I mean, I was thinking about how I pissed off a couple of online friends who are more like distant family than anything else, and I felt how little I was upset.
But then I started thinking why, and I've figured that it's because of how I grew up.
I was one of those kids that grew up with food, water, soda, candy, y'know, what most every kid gets at that age.
Though, I never had my own room, I've only had one bike that was brand new, only my pants weren't hand me downs, along with some shirts, I was always in the house, never at parties or other people's houses.
I never had my own bed until now.
Now this might seem bad at all, at least in my mind, but one thing that sticks out to me was just how much of a loner I was. I had one or two friends throughout middle school, like, I dunno, maybe a couple of buddies, people I'd bug.
For some reason though, I've rationalized it to that I didn't really have anything.
Like at all.
Shit, I'm barely cleaning out a room for myself this semester.
And I'm sleeping on a military spec plus cot.
Perhaps that type of mind set is gonna prepare me a lot better for stuff in the military like SERE courses and Ranger School.
It's both fortunate and unfortunate I was right about becoming a psychologist/therapist/psycotherapist/whatever for the Army.
That the soldiers that would go in for help would discard it anyway, because the therapist had no reference point whatsoever; A bad day for the therapist may have been nearly missing the morning bus, or spilling coffee on their best shirt.
For a soldier, it could mean much and far more problems. Loosing a best friend forever, loosing limbs, being mentally scarred by the mires of combat.
And since therapists wouldn't have a reference point or common ground/core of knowledge, the connection to make to the soldiers undergoing treatment would be even harder to make, and possibly even prevent recovery from PTSD/PTS/all that stress shit.
I wouldn't trust a guy that has 8 years of hoity toity college behind him, along with all these studies on civilians to talk to me about combat.
I'd want some rough, beaten and worn down old soldier that's better qualified to lead and follow than a general, that once I walk in, I know I can just open up and let it flow out of me like puking up all the shit that was stewing in my gut for the last four days.
(I actually shat bricks when I saw that, because I have personally met and shaken hands with Mr. Miyamura.)
Or..or.... *sniffle*
Because apparently, society, or media really, has downplayed things like courage in men nowadays.
Men used to be soldiers, or dirty, gritty men that provide, fight and die for what's right.
Now men are pretty, thin, money making sports car driving sweeties that will fight only if provoked.
Or some shit like that.
I wonder if it's really what men want to be. Perhaps it's what men think women want to be. Or women are just making men be their pseudo slaves.
Perhaps I'm just old school, and think a guy should be able to be professional, make money, kick ass and back up his words with fists of death all at the same time.
So, as all Americans know, and probably most of the world, 9/11 was just a short 9 years ago this last September Eleventh.
So, on this day, I had a meeting for Civil Air Patrol, of course.
Since I wasn't in charge, we were ordered to face the flag, salute and recite the Pledge of Allegiance.
As we stood there, for about three minutes due to the flight sergeant's inability to make things up on the spot, I tried to recall the first words of the simple pledge to my beloved country.
I slowly caught the words a few times, "I pledge..." and it turned into the cadet oath, with "To serve faithfully in the Civil Air Patrol Cadet Program.." following. I tried again. "I pledge to the Flag of the United States of America, and to the republic [about this moment, an clip of an older man popped into my head about which words had been changed and I tried to remember what was added] for which it stands, one nation, under God, indivisible with liberty and justice for all."
Awesome. I was in the zone, and I was proud.
Then we got the order to recite The Pledge Of Allegiance.
Every
Single
One of us
Sputtered.
We jumbled over words, rushed though a little of the oath, and other things, before I finally came back to Earth, and started out with a strong "I pledge allegiance to the Flag, of The United States of America..." and the other cadets followed in a slightly loud, but still muted voice.
After that little show of...Well, nothing, I realized how much America has changed. And now I realize how much it has changed since 9/11.
I went to a private catholic school. No, I'm not catholic anymore. But, as I recall, we used to say The Pledge Of Allegiance every day of class, first thing in the morning. Class would stand, face towards the flag, put our tiny little hands over our tiny little hearts, and with our tiny little voices, recite The Pledge Of Allegiance.
When I got into, I dunno, say 5th or sixth grade, this slowly dropped off and was only done by one of the regular substitute teachers. After 9/11, it stopped all together.
Maybe they were afraid some extremist Muslim or something would decide to bomb the school and destroy the Jesus and Mary statues.
Or something else.
When I got into 10th grade, there was a flag in most classrooms. But, we never said The Pledge Of Allegiance.
I'm not sure where this came from, but there is apparently a trend that non-patriotism is a good thing. I've met more anti-Americans than I have Jewish, Pagan, Wiccan, Baptist, and other less popular religions. Which turns out to be a lot.
Then, I hear about these here groups, like the westburo baptist church, who would literally dance and spit on soldier's graves.
But luckily we have laws that keep them about 100 foot away whenever they protest a burial.
Well...That's a start anyway.
Could this entire anti-America, anti-military hippie shit-like shit, be related to kids just not being taught about America's rich history, and being kept in practice with traditions and ceremonies?
The Bataan Death march was an infamous prisoner movement that the Japanese forced on captured Filipino and American forces, of which a large number were of the New Mexico National Guard, the 200th Coast Artillery.
Why New Mexico had a coast artillery unit, I will never know.
These captured soldiers were marched nearly nearly 60 miles to a prisoner of war camp.
Most of the time, this wouldn't be a problem.
But the Japanese are also known for their extreme brutality. Most soldiers had less than any food at all, and walked for days on only a small sip of water.
Many drank out of dirty infected puddles, and later got sick with malaria, diarrhea, among other tropic diseases.
Many suffered at the hands, bayonets and clubs of the Japanese. Of the original 75,000 POWs, only about 52,000 made it to the camp.
Because so many were pushed to extreme limits of impossible levels, a lot of active military and reservists decided to commemorate the sacrifices and hardships suffered by the soldiers.
One of the larger events is the New Mexico White Sands Missile Range Bataan Death March.
Why am I blogging about this?
A couple of my good buddies and I are gonna start training for this hard core event. We're gonna have to be in shape to carry 35 pounds (or like, 45 in my case), packs, for 26.2 miles across some sandy, hilly and partially mountainy terrain. Luckily it's on a trail and land navigation won't be required.
Much.
Also a bit of luck, we'll be training about 1,000 feet above the highest point on the course. So it's all good. IT'S ALL GOOD.
We just need to start training up, along with training together.
It will benifit me and the female member of our team by getting us in shape. At that point, we'll all be able to do a 26.2 mile hike within a reasonable amount of time. Maybe not Ranger standard, but a lot closer than most other people.
I'm gonna try and plan some of this out. I'm hoping to get at least 2 marathon walks in. Should be awesome.
But first things first, we have to get our gear squared away.
In my case, I'm gonna get some money for some boots.
I've decided on these, just because the video and some of the reviews on uscav.com
I mean, that's pretty convincing right?
Plus there's a couple of infantry reviews on the website, and that makes it stick out to me.
When I break these boots in, I can use them for the army when I enlist. Then I'll have something to keep comfortable in in airborne school and whatnot.
The nice thing about getting in shape for this marathon is I'll also be in shape for the military.
I'll be trimmed out enough to run, pass the physical fitness tests, have the mental endurance rut made so that way all the stuff I'll do will be easier than my SAR training. Lol.
I think it will be a great undertaking. Instead of just getting ready for something like "military training" we'll have a more solid objective. Then I can ramp it up just before I enlist, or continue to ramp it up until I'm allowed to enlist, cuz my mother wants me around for taxes. lol.
I really thing this is gonna be fun. I'm nervous about it a little, so it should kick ass.
When I become a psychologist/psychiatrist/whatever for the army, I'm gonna make this huge fucking MMA gym with gaming consoles to help figure out whats going on,
massive MMA mats for much sparring,
some heavy duty cotton cloth to cover said mat for Tactical Teusdays, thursdays and fridays,
round-edged rifles, pistols and guns in general for H2H combat practice with weapon, gear and stuff,
then have a room thing to lower from the ceiling to practice room clearing hand to hand.
It will be awesome. I'll even have a little place in the back to sleep and eat maybe.
But yes, it would be the size of a regular gym, along with all the regular and muay thai punching bags, thai pads, strike pads, MMA gloves, boxing gloves, shin pads, body pads, bear suit, tractor tires, regular tires, hammers, springy things, harnesses, an infinite rope, ladders, everything. It will be so combat comprehensive that people will go there for basic hand to hand combat training and will leave prepared to destroy, eliminate, and hold up against the rigors of combat. It will be the Ranger School of MMA. or something awesome like that.
If I can, I'll bring in more American hand to hand combat instructors, Russian H2H fighters, judo, jujitsu, and muay thai masters, greco, everything, that Israeli fighting thing, as much as I can to give the soldiers with PTSD some skills in hand to hand and tire them out so they can sleep, burn off frustration, and keep in shape.
I think I'll save up my money from the military and do that.
So yes, I've been recently single since, I dunno, two to three months.
I've noticed lately that I've been unable to sleep easily in the last couple of weeks, due to the fact that all I can think about is how much I'd enjoy having a gal in my bed to keep me warm.
What I think it is, is a perfect example of Maslow's hierarchy.
I've been able to eat a fairly decent meal every night, since I don't go to Jujitsu at the moment. So I have more calories and less endorphines floating though my face.
So theoretically, that would mean I have the possibility to stay up late, since I have extra energy to burn, and that I will feel more sad that before, due to the lack of endorphines and other thingies that make me happy.
I will test this next week, when I return to jujitsu, but with a PT vengeance. Lol theory and hypothesis. LOOK I'M ACTING SMART HUR HUR.
So much for me bawing about how I can't sleep at night because I'm sleeping singilary in a futon, which easily keeps me up for hours on end. Madness, I dissected and solved my entire sleeping problem half-heartedly and off the top of my head in the last ten minutes. Damn.
